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Quotes from Students and Friends (As of Dec 8, 2008)

All the people you've never met and probably never should

So apparently...Charles invented a time machine in the future, I went back to the beginning of time, touched something, and as a result, everything is my fault. - Billy Augensen
She puts the "whore" in horrifying! - Holly Harrington
You are between a rock and my penis - Yitzach Glick
Did it ever occur to you that pulling food up your butt isn't an efficient way to dine? - Bryan Lin
I went out and bought pillsbury doughboy pj pants.  God knows what consequences will follow with poking - Bryan Lin
Crazy bitch likes her kupo nuts - Bryan Lin
Crazier than a moonstruck leprechaun with a pot full of absinthe. - Stefan Vafai
Pray to Google and she will give you the answer! - Juan Barredo
If you yell "SURPRISE!" first, then it's not really rape - Rae Botsford
"My pocket is in my key ..and vice versa" - Kayla Berry
Juan! I do not want to die! I don't even want to be crippled. - John Graham
Your underwear are like Pokemon! You just have to know them all. - Christine Rigby
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to microwave your teabag...but you know what Rae? I walk on the wild side. - Kayla Berry
I don't believe in prepositions. - Milo Wissig
You're the only person I know who could logically prove you don't exist and then disappear. - Robert Horn
If I had a vagina for every time I heard that. I'd be several women - Yitzach Glick
GHANORIEAH - Yitzach Glick
I smell VAGINA - Yitzach Glick
Josh "Pound Me In the Ass" Torres - Tim Mason
I gave you Monday Wednesday Friday privileges.  Don't get sneaky with me on Tuesdays. - Josh Torres
How do you put a bottomless pit in the Death Star?  Very carefully. - Kevin Breen/Christopher Gustafson
My eyes are extra asian at this hour - Joe Lu (6:28:16 AM)
What are you doing?  I am a Penguin! - David Arbor/Bryan Lin
I shat red because of your cake! - Bryan Lin
I certainly hope you don't attend National Make Out Day if I go home that weekend. If I don't, then I certainly hope there would be only one person with which to make out. Unless of course it were another woman, in which case I would be crazy not to allow, encourage, and take pictures as a heterosexual male. - Ben Corbin
I was conceived in a month - Justin Wiese
Punched in the babymaker - David Arbor
I'd like to see a black hole try to suck me in. I'd punch it in the face - Matt Davis
"Sorry dear, I was out raping people" - Alex Pepe
"The question sets the trajectory of the answer. The crowd stands safely behind. If the crowd has aimed the canon askew, I can only lose: if I answer, my answer will be set off in vain ... if I refuse to answer, I have "avoided the battle" ... if I stop to debate the positioning of the question itself, there will be no crowd pleasing thunder ... if I seize the question and turn it round, correctly aiming at the problem--the crowd--I will be torn to pieces." "If the crowd has packed the right gunpowder into the cannon, I will be fully prepared for the retort. If this gunpowder is also of the correct brand, my answer will satisfy my public relations. If the crowd aims the cannon in a direction in which there is no target perceptible to a casual observer, the vast majority will react with a moderate inhalation of atmosphere, a widening of their eyes and a focusing of their attention on me until their eyes start to water. This will allow me to weave more spells of ambiguity and confusion until the original intent is safely deflected onto a more satisfying tangent which brings the subject back to the public relations, though an innocent snipe several hundred miles off may well find itself felled by a whirling, destructive ball of rhetoric from the mouth of this proverbial cannon. But all things aside, if I stuff my head into the cannon, the crowd will happily fire off the question and be immediately stricken by the ill effects of a backfired philosophical inquiry, suddenly questioning their purpose in life, whether or not there are other lives to be experienced, whether or not they actually have a life, and other such convoluted quodlibets which can only be satisfactorily answered by those of strong religious belief, philosophers who have not yet gone mad, and philosophers who are mad. Sadly, I will not be granted the luxury of observing this welcome change, for the simple reason that my head was IN the cannon to begin with." - Nick Pence world has been destroyed in a blazing inferno. watcha doing just HANGING there?? don't you realize you've just been incinerated? dont mouth off at me, soldier. just- oh, never mind. your opinions aren't worth smiting a dead lobster with. RAAAAAASK!!! For Tokyo! and MegaTokyo! and UberTokyo.. and every other reincarnation of that city of metropolitan doom that has ever existed! the most flammable city of all time now takes its place in the ARCHIVES OF FISH! :cheezy nintendo victory music here:" - Matt Berry / Nick Pence [Matt Berry's Predicament and Nick Pence's Solution]
"Link, you're such a womanizer!" "I am NOT!" "Oh, really? Let's see. Zelda, Saria, Malon, Ruto... even Nabooru makes you blush." "...Shut up. I am not a womanizer." "Oh, would you prefer I tease you about Sheik then?" "... *blush* NO." - Chloe Roberts
"Colin, children DIE because of you!" "A fact I'm very proud of. It's not just anyone who can do that!" David Arbor / Colin Walker
"Hm.. I'm feeling slightly happier, though.. my boredom decided to whirl right around and smack me in the ass, so.. " "Dude... how could you be bored when boredom does that??" "but.. but I don't like being smacked in the ass.." Kimberly Boe / Bryan Lin / Kimberly Boe
"I tried to drill through the Intel 8992 chip today and I failed miserably. I used an 8mm drill thingy at a speed of 10000rpm (I think), the chip didn't even get hot, I only managed to scratch it. So today I learned chips aren't that fragile, only the pins part" " Why were you drilling chipsets?" "I wanted a keychain?" - Mijae / EskimoDave / Mijae
"What's Brown and sticky?" "This won't end well." "A stick!" - Crystal Tang / Jacob Riley / Crystal Tang
She didn't fool me. I screamed, "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, SCUM!!!" And I smashed the phone so that it made a little buzzing noise and small sparks came out. You're not safe until the sparks come out - Nick Pence
They pick up the field mice and go into an ecstasy of destruction, laying waste to field mice acres around, and dancing blissfully in their remains and then the mean fairy comes.... and she says " sagnacious twiddles" and the bunnies drain her of life-giveing liquids, and feed the maddening existences to the voraciously hungry teeth of the earth, which will hold death for an eternity while the bunnies continue hopping through the forest, picking up the fieldmice and bopping them on the head (and then creatively slaughtering them and painting giant red portraits on the beaches with the excess) - Nick Pence
Maybe if i stop holding the saltines so close to my face, they will stop disappearing..... i think i will not attempt such a dangerous experiment though - Nick Pence [on eating crackers]
'I have been subsisting on chicken quesadillas for the past three months. Beat THAT" "I refuse" Allison Nixon / Nick Pence
"The dry wind blows your hair back. The rocky ground beneath you provides you with a sense of support and of the eternal. You stare off your cliff into the abyss beyond, and the sky of dreams above it. The dreams, so precious and beautiful shimmer, seemingly calling you. You yearningly reach forward, only to bring yourself back when your foot pushes some small rocks off the cliff. Yearningly, you reach out. And then the Sun sets. Darkness devours the Sky, and twilight fills the world, even though there are no Stars or Moons, or other sources of light. You sigh, and start back towards your house. Towards your life. The one that so often you wish you did not live. The one that does not seem as though it were life at all. The darkness reaches for you, and pulls you away from the cliff. And the single star in the darkened sky flickers." "Then you turn on the lights, attach more glow in the dark stars, turn up your fan, reset the rocks, turn off the light, climb back on your bunk and begin again! " - Stefan Vafai / Bryan Lin
"strange at first, but it REALLY grows on you. Esp when you're hyped up on Raspberry Cream Soda" "is it a fertilizer?" Crystal Tang / Bryan Lin
I should do that one day... just stand in a mall with a bible and hit goths... im gonna be the best hobo in the world when i grow up... - Andrew Fooden
"We'll let you in under one condition" "Ok Jason we'll take our pants off" Jason Gosch / Chipper Billingsley
"You sleep in a graveyard don't you?" "Pfft. Actually, I sleep in one of those little drawers at the morgue. Those things are awesome." Bryan Lin / Alex Pepe
You fiend, you...  Awww..but such an adorable one - Stefan Vafai
Woohoo! Spank me later? - Mercurius
OMFG Stress is like a giant fiery hentai demon with 3 penii attempting to rape me. But I must push through! *meditates* -Jacob Riley
The old guys in the movies say "You are weak, tadpole. You are learning, tadpole. Once more with feeling, tadpole! Give me some sugaaaah!.. tadpole. Yes, thaaat's itttt...You've come far tadpole. " - Stefan Vafai
"Do you have coupons, or is that an american thing?" Colin Walker
"What the fuck is a floating nose?" Jillian Wilhelm
"I want the Horny Helmet!" Colin Walker
"Question number one. Do you have... a pizza coupon." Colin Walker
"Ohh yeah- Jon has fucked bitches." Jonathan Easey
"Why don't you just make out with her- and pretend it's me." Colin Walker
"Good game. Bitch." David Arbor
"Holy fucking Jesus." Angelica Bohl
"Colin, you're on the wrong side of the road, you dipshit!" "I'm in England!" Fiona Carnegie / Colin Walker
"I hope your napalm gets faced." David Arbor
"We should film a porno." "What?" "Just a thought." Jonathan Easey /Fiona Carnegie /Jonathan Easey
"Just use a blender!" Jonathan Easey [on expensive vibrators]
"It's one of those 'so ugly it's cute' things." "Like Rosie O'Donnell!" Jillian Wilhelm / Jonathan Easey
"Shane's gonna get married to a girl, but I think he likes guys." David Arbor
"Fuck you." "Please don't, it sounds rather violent." David Arbor / Fiona Carnegie
"It's like a fetid pool of love." Jonathan Easey
"I want the squishy white thing I see between your legs." Colin Walker
"It sounds like a sexual position- or an omelette." Jonathan Easey
"Thanks a lot for that experience, Fiona." Colin Walker
"Colin, is that a cell phone in your pocket?" "Or are you just radioactive to see me?" Jonathan Easey / Colin Walker
"Ow- someone just toed me in the sternum! ...That sounded a lot dirtier in my head." Colin Walker
Lets make BABIES! - Rammy Korkor
Found out looking at pictures of aborted fetuses in the UU has no effect on how hungry I am for food - Benjamin Lin
Girls are the equivalent of having someone in your guard in Mixed Martial Arts... its not good-- and you'll probably get beat up... but something good MIGHT happen out of all of it. -Viet Nguyen
Does your tire bike have wheel? - David Arbor
I was under the influence that he did - Jason Gosch
I thought everybody's nuts were honey roasted - Jeffy Isenhour
Jedi love hygiene, and Maul doesn't seem to know the concept of a toothbrush - _corruption_
The Eiffel Tower was meant to be a temporary erection - Justin Wiese
Run away before the dong hits! - Josh Wilson
I'll smack the ugly off your face! - Tony Russo
David makes everything special, including the Olympics - Justin Wiese
You are growing on me Yoda, like a tumor but growing nonetheless - Deth, Bionightmare
Luckily, though, he just dropped me off at the not really lip gloss - Crystal Tang
Ahh, my life-long dream has come true. Young maidens across the country glance upon my face and coo something to the effect of "ohmygodshitwhatthefuck." Splendid. - Ryan Grajo
Start building some mammaries! -John Robinson
Clara is guasfdpdhksljisfakpkj ie keyboard-mashing-tastic. - Clara Ng-Quinn
Other than reading it, making a book all squishy is the best thing you can do with it. Hope your day is as blissfully pleasant as a thick slice of decadently rich chocolate cake slathered with fudgy frosting and a generous side of caramel sauce, eaten slowly so that every tiny morsel can have its moment of glory. - Brie Alcazaren
Let's make it like a fetus and head for the exit - Tony Russo
It smells like they sacrificed a hooker! - Justin Wiese
Just because I purposely set up myself for the same mistake for over the 6th time? Bryan Lin. What? You must be a Republican! - Justin Wiese
Oh, my mom said here, have an iron... and I was like, whoa! we can make grilled cheese now. - Justin Wiese
Calculus: even time doesn't pass - Justin Wiese, when the clock stopped working during calculus class.
"They should make it a cereal! Snap Crackle BOOM" - Ryan Grajo, referring to 9v batteries and the Rice Krispie Elves
The great frog prince, defending me from being scared by being even more ridiculously scary - Crystal Tang
This will cheer you up faster than a prozac/viagra smoothie! - Justin Wiese
We're so sugary I'm surprised I don't already have diabetes. - Skuldchan
"If he who lives by the sword dies by the sword, someday Matt Davis is going to get a shotgun to the face." -Tony Bridges
Andrew Armstrong: "Justin, you drive like a maniac!" Justin Wiese: "No, you just drive like an old woman! And you love like one too!"
"At least he didn't poop, that would have been crappy.... SHIT!" - Charm Tang
"I think we should celebrate actually having ice cream, by having some" - Justin Wiese
You're just now getting your computer undutched? - Bryan Lin
Maybe someday I'll understand why some people would smile for the dying, cry for the living, fight for the fallen, and die for their freedom. Like a story, I look back and I read. My smiles, my tears, my fights, and my loss. Maybe someday I'll want to understand. - sevensaints
If regeneration were an STD, just picture population control - Justin Wiese
Sometimes I'm surprised he remembers to breathe. - Justin Wiese, referring to Bryan Lin
The people who fall in love with smiles, smile themselves, hoping to catch someone else's heart with their own.- Katie Girompini
The sun is a different color in St. Petersburg - Jacob Riley
Sorry if that made no sense. I tend to be incoherent when posting... maybe if you try reading upside down it’ll work... - Jacob Riley
"Look at him! He can't laugh even if he wants to!" - Colin Walker, on Jason being mute
"Everything is within walking distance if you have the time" - James Cattaneo
"Well this is where I say, 'you may be right, but I'm half-Thai'" - Molley Kaiyoorawongs
“The squiggle of death” Jillian Scudder
“This won’t fit in my head!” Jessalynn Adam
“Don’t talk to me until you gain some weight” Jenny Halpern
“[Pilates is] like pulling your leg back and stretching your teeth with it.” Josh Gilman
“Good posture hurts” Ciera Galbraith
“What’s with all these verbs that are foreign?” Jessalynn Adam
“The sun is a different color in St. Petersburg” Jacob Riley
“People are scary” Jillian Scudder
“Ow. My brain hurts.” Lindsey Roan
“The human doorstop [Bryan] strikes again!” Jillian Scudder
“We get along a lot better now that we don’t talk anymore.” Jenny Halpern (about her brother)
“I can’t talk for five minutes in English!” Jessalynn Adam
“I think it’s a very suicidal poem. I like it.” Heather Howard
“That’s the Foster Angel bike.” David Arbor “Wait, but I thought they had no legs!” Steve Montanez
“Guh sounds like a fat sound.” Jacob Riley
“Reality stinks.” Fiona Carnegie
“How does she tell whether I’m speaking in French or English?” Jessalynn Adam
“Does anybody have scissors? I have scissors!” Angelica Bohl
“It’s seizure-ific!” Fiona Carnegie
“If I had just studied, I could have had a 100!” Steve Montanez
“I was a Nazi baby.” Fiona Carnegie
“I comprehended about zero.” Noah Gentele
“I was a non-fetus baby.” Fiona Carnegie
“Ramune is Sprite with crack in it.” Chloe Roberts
“Dr. Rice, we can’t take notes, my legs hurt.” Steve Montanez
“That much happiness should be regulated by the FDA!” Jonathan Easey
“It looks like someone vomited on the canvas” Meghan McLeod
“I can’t make sandwiches” Andrew Harrison
“I know what’s right and wrong” Andrew Harrison
“173% of all statistics are made up.” Dan Restrepo
“I have PoT!” Fiona Carnegie
“There’s a nice bitch” Fiona Carnegie
“Which cow do I squeeze?” Lindsey Roan
“The toughest French girl could be taken down by an American who didn’t get the right kind of coffee because that’s just how angry and vindictive we are!” Victoria Dunbaugh
“I guess I’m a book racist” Andrew Harrison
“You gotta watch out for those super-massive black holes!” Colin Walker
“I think it’s S-c-h-l-e-i-f-e-r” Colin Walker
“We can be Art French nerds! YES!” Andrew Briefman
“What a third world verb!” Ben Folit-Weinberg
“Peace is for wusses” Colin Walker
“Warning, you will get fat” Jeffrey Schmidt on McDonalds
“I didn’t find it misogynistic.” Andrew Harrison
“I think the dictionary’s misogynistic.” Colin Walker
“Don’t kill babies, but I’m going to kill you!” Ciera Galbreith
“Which do you prefer, Tony Blair or George Bush? Neither, because they’re both dumbf*cks!” Fiona Carnegie
“The French are coming!” Ben Folit-Weinberg
“Angry, incontinent swans” Colin Walker
“I like the English language, and I miss singing in it!” Ben Fagin
“I wish I had no legs!” Ben Fagin
“Close your ears, children! Facts aren’t right!” Andrew Harrison
“DE is like BC on crack” Shaun McDowell
“Ooo happy flower- now it’s dead.” Fiona Carnegie
“My dictionary freaked out” Colin Walker
“Allison, do you not pay attention?” David Arbor “What?” Allison Nixon
“Half of my smarts came from you.” Mr. Scudder
“An existence is good type of poem” Andrew Fooden
“In modern forensics, you can tell how long a cadaver’s been a cadaver for.” Andrew Harrison
“I’m not tired, I’m dying.” Sarah Morrison
“It’s fun stuff- fun like syphilis!” Awika
“This is like a scientific newsreel from the fifties- Yes kids, even brutal emperors like Kubla Khan need their recreation.” Colin Walker
“I’m a bitch” Steve Montanez
“I can’t remember names because I can’t remember my friend’s names” Colin Walker
“In 7 weeks, we’ll never have to say the pledge again.” Jillian Scudder “There goes my sense of patriotism...”Allison Walker
“Molley like Great Wall- She no budge!” Ben Fagin
“The thing-ness of the thing” Peter Steele, Sophia Foster-Dimino, Victoria Dunbaugh, Lily
“Dueling is legal in Florida!” James McWilliams
“[Martha Stewart] might break into my home and decorate it!” Allison Nixon
“Government class is corrupt.” Allison Nixon
“Well, they’ve already bred a horse and a donkey-”David Arbor “Woah! That’d be like a HONKEY!” Chris Teisi
“I heard JFK was black” Tara Semerar
“I hope he gets beaten up to death!” Amanda DeLeo
“A prior restraint is a restraint on something before it’s happened, and that’s prior restraint.” Tyler Myers
“Dairy, that came from a meat product, that was eating a vegetable!” Victoria Dunbaugh
“Colin, your presence makes children die!” David Arbor “A fact I’m very proud of! It’s not just anyone who can do that!” Colin Walker
“Ooo- Dust kitties! That’s how planets form!” Mr. Scudder
“You were so traumatized, I couldn’t see your face!” Angelica Bohl
“Never trust drunk people.” Fiona Carnegie
 “Speaking of public humiliation...” Elizabeth Levine
“The whale’s a chauvinist!” Colin Walker
“Watch out- giant, french speaking spiders ahead!” Heather Chase
“OMG- You’re a fashion person! Make me beautiful!” Colin Walker
“Est-ce que nous avons presque fini?” Toby Hervey
“We barely have each other here, Lily!” Victoria Dunbaugh
“Whisper sweet nothings in my ear” Jonathan Easey
“You went to preschool for 5 years? Are you retarded?” Steve Montanez
I CAME SO HARD MY PANTS MELTED - Jacob Riley
My computer is getting a little nostalgic so it seems. It seems to remember the good ole days and wants to murder itself. - Jeffy Isenhour
My head hurts my migraine - Kimberly Boe
I love to hunt penguins in the fall - Paul Hung
A tough, stout dwarf, Gaar is known for his spills with his axe - Misspelling under history saga (Corrected 8/31/02). Error by Bryan Lin
I swear to God I'm an Atheist - Jason Gosch
I amuse myself much more than is considered sane - Jacob Riley
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it - Andrew Fooden
I just snorted applesauce up my nose - Mitch Ponitz
Cuba had Russia's support. Who says I don't? - Mitch Ponitz
You wanna piece of yourself? - Jacob Riley
There's no blood in my alcohol stream - Nick Pence
He’s folically challenged - Jason Gosch
Pork is a verb - James Cattaneo
Bryan burns out his nose hairs with a match - Jonathan Stone
Technically yes but no - Nick Pence
Run Nick run. Fall Nick fall. - Jason Gosch
Maybe animals don’t wanna talk to us - Jacob Riley
Hey God where ya goin? Don’t like us? - John Lamensdorf
She broke her hair - Nick Pence
Egotist: When everyone else is more concerned about themselves than they are about me
I’m going to get myself amputated - Allison Nixon
It was dark last night - Nick Pence
Semi-Automatic Dragon Launcher - Bryan Lin
Gifted means we’re more smarter - Danny Bass
I’m not as think as you stupid I am - Jason Gosch
Congratulations, you have reached the peak of lowness - Nick Pence
Ice colored water - Andrew Fooden
Dehydrated water - Nick Pence
A nice hot cup of snow - Andrew Fooden
Venereal hyperextension - Michael Riccio
I am going to squeeze you until you cease to be! - Mike Riccio
Glass of milk: Vase of lactose - James Cattaneo
You don't have sex with a condom, you have sex with your wife! - Mitch Ponitz
I'd go to Canada to see Canadians in their natural environment - Chipper Billingsley
Misunderhear - Jason Gosch
The nine-headed monster that eats seamen? - Jason Gosch
Welcome to Rivendell. I am the high elf... *snorts stuff from palm* - Chipper Billingsley
Dwelf. Those forest dwarves... - Chipper Billingsley
The roving landscape of my mind, where everything is as it thinks it seems, and nothing stays the way it will. - Andrew Fooden
Be careful with the knife so you don't cut off your fingers... oops... - Jacob Riley
Blue Gatorade and Windex look the same. To the non-illiterate, it even tastes the same - Jason Gosch
You want someone to kiss it and make it better Colin? ... Not me! - Mitch Ponitz
If you have sex with someone outside your family, is it outcest or just cest? - Chipper Billingsley
He's a Galapagos penguin - Jacob Riley
Quintadecahexa-pounder - Nick Pence
I dare you to milk me! - Jason Gosch
He's numb from the brain down - Jason Gosch
French fry... AKA Grease Stick - Mitch Ponitz
“Can you read?” Molley Kaiyoorawongs “Kind of... why?” Chloe Roberts
What is the brainsucker doing? It's starving... - Xanivan
FCAT Question: What infections can an animal bite cause? -Rabbis - Molley Kaiyoorawongs
Clothes? What clothes? - Bryan Lin
Mine is much worser - Janna Levitt
We're goin' fishin' tonite. Make sure to wear your concrete shoes. - James Cattaneo
Careful, three inch baboons run around here and nip at your toes - Nelson Fox
“Bryan's laying the bench! “ Kimberly Boe “Got wood?” Andrew Fooden
A whole handful of fondling - Michael Riccio
How to cook sushi - Jacob Riley
I'm gonna hurt you! And it's gonna hurt! - Chloe Roberts
He's hardly dead at all! - Jacob Riley
This is a beautiful view. Too bad the city's ugly. - Andrew Berkelson
It's our national bird! The Frisbee! - Mitch Ponitz
You'll never leave this life alive! - Michael Riccio
She's inferior. We're ferior - Jacob Street
Babies: the other white meat. Also available in yellow and black. - Fiona Carnegie
Kitties plus soy sauce equals your mom. Therefore your mom minus kittens equals soy sauce? - Lindsey Roan
Cheese wagon = a bus. Swiss cheese wagon = ? - Andrew Fooden
What do you put into unripe tomatoes to make them more red? - Ketchup? - Jacob Riley
It’s like a pinball machine. Sometimes you hit the right spot and get multi-balls -Leo Bohl, referring to tri-pods
Pope on a rope, wash all your holy parts and go straight to heaven! - James Cattaneo
It'll be impossible to find but it'll never get lost - Nick Pence
The characters in the story should have personalities - Bryan Lin
Yoda as a hermaphrodite: I have both parts I do - Michael Riccio
Why does the CD have a hole in it? - Mitch Ponitz
Not crap crap, but crap - Mitch Ponitz
Is the butt bigger than the ass? - Bryan Lin
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? - Jason Gosch
Why do they cotton swab a person before a fatal injection? - Jason Gosch
I'm going to go home and overdose on some placebo - James Cattaneo
All I know is that this guy [Jacob Riley] is 51 cards short of a full deck - Leo Bohl
Autofeliac - Well... I guess that's just what you'd call a jump start - Bryan Lin
One more time, with Emph! - Jason Gosch
My brain's funny - Andrew Fooden
Gruh? Mergh fith nep hiz tolrakki. ABMIW! LIOPYRE ADEIR FRAM! - Jacob Riley
Mephlabba. Grub nigkt phrell beitten michzimmel. - Jacob Riley
Sorry if that made no sense. I tend to be incoherent when posting... maybe if you try reading upside down it’ll work... - Jacob Riley
Too..much.....sugar...ugh...must....get...new pancreas - Andrew Fooden
“You homonuclear diamolecule!” James Cattaneo “I'll split your P orbital!” Tim Melioris
OKAY PEOPLE! I GOT A 20 SEC VIDEO OF CLOUD FIGHTING SEPH FROM ADVENT CHILDREN!   AND I MAY HAVE JUST SOILED MYSELF! - Jacob Riley
Aaahh... You're hitting my sphere of influence! - James Cattaneo
I can't. I'll cancer - Timothy Melioris
Shower theory? Just break down the window - Nelson Fox
“How do you manage to survive?” Lindsey Roan “ I ask my mom” Colin Walker
What's my birthday again? - Colin Walker
Why is it busy? ... Oh I'm calling myself - Colin Walker
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? - Jacob Riley
Screwing a knife would be painful. That's how circumcision was invented - Jonathan Easey
“He was a crazy Republican” James Cattaneo “Don't be redundant!” Lee Amos
Oh wise shaman Jason, you have taught me much - Nelson Fox
AP American tore me a new hole - Andrew Fooden
I'll give you my magic rub [eraser] - James Cattaneo
Isn't palsy-walsy a bear? - Zach Hoff
Palsy-walsy sounds like it would be someone who would make friends with a tree trunk - Ben Fagin
I wanna have triplets. Then I can be like: "You're He, you're She, and you... you're It" - Van Vu
Chloe's one-track mind thinks too hard... - Lindsey Roan
Realize you're talking to a man with only one eyebrow! - Nelson Fox
You are not worthy enough to hear my insults - Colin Walker
AP Heart Attack - Timothy Melioris
"eaten alive by moths" - Andrew Fooden
Can I take your gonads? - Colin Walker
My body is like: "holy sh*t! What's going on? I better send some blood up there - Colin Walker
Don't worry, you can mess up two more times before we sell you - Colin Walker
Don't worry, you can tell them to me. My ego is so huge I can remember them - Colin Walker
Girls, put it back! How would you like having your top ripped off? - Colin Walker, referring to a tennis court net cover
Anabolic steroids: Synthetic version of male Chloe - Colin Walker, correct word being hormone
Sustenance on a blanket - Jacob Riley, describing a picnic
Whenever you kill an ant, an ant dies - Andrew Fooden
If matter can neither be created nor destroyed, where did it all come from?? - Lindsey Roan
Lindsey's bleeding profusely from her knee. Can she go to the bleeding room? - Chloe Roberts Jihad-Joe: The anti-American - James Cattaneo
He who dies first doesn't laugh last - Jonathan Easey
If he gets an A on that test, I'm going to have to... like, imbibe his children - Paul Sokol
It hurts soo good! - Jonathan Easey
I'll whack you! ... a little... not a lot - Nate Hadsell
Shinji has vowed to kill me. "When you're 80 and I'm 79, I'm going to come to your window... and scare you!!" - Lindsey Roan
Have we castled our kings? By God we have! - Colin Walker
“The hole in your shoe goes all the way to your foot!” Bryan Lin “So that's why my socks keep ripping...” Nate Hadsell
Satan [chocolate] tastes soo good! - Jason Gosch
“He's out groping people like whoa!” Michael Riccio “Nelson, sit down. Grope the chair” Jason Gosch
I read it as it’s wrote - Jason Gosch
Insects leap across the field developing a sense of lethargic peace - Nelson Fox
Monotonous intermission - Nelson Fox
I'll cleanse you from the ankles down! Gnomercy! - Justin Wiese
The raccoons scream a haiku of passion and rage - Nelson Fox, Descriptive essay excerpt
It's lysdexia. It's not my fault - Jason Gosch
 We're on fire! Quick! Into the building! - Dan
We must go out... and ninja in the night! - Chloe Roberts
I have a hand lotion. It smells like dead bodies - Lee Amos
Don't pull on my zipper! - James Cattaneo
“I'm the only staff here. My staff is bigger!” Jason Gosch “Is it wood? The whole 6'1" of it?” Bryan Lin
"Miyazaki, the director of Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind is good. He is damn good. For you math majors out there, Miyazaki=Good + Z where Z = damn. - Chloe Roberts
And I just realized: Gaara backwards is ARAAG!!!!! God damn I need to lay off the milkshakes. - Lindsey Roan
"Women have a much higher chance of getting pregnant." -James McWilliams
In case you didn't know, I died. I was swept away in the horrible hurricane winds that weren't strong enough to uplift the pinwheel from my front yard, despite the fact I was a city away from where the eye of the hurricane struck. - Kimberly Boe, referring to Hurricane Charley
“Accidentally roundhoused Jesse in the knee when he woke me up by grabbing me and screaming "BUCKETFACE!!" “ - Sophia Foster-Dimino
He's on the balls! - Nelson Fox
I'm going to Islam you in the Buddha! - James Cattaneo
I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body - Michael Riccio
High quality koosh - Nick Pence
Kong my Hong all night long! - Nelson Fox
*massive explosion* I told them not to mix smores with alcohol! - Kadagard (Andrew Fooden)
You've got a mustache on your chin - Yong Tan
"ooh.. a life, where can I download one of those?" - Crystal Tang
I'll procrastinate later - Crystal Tang
Anime-related, that is? Yes, I immediately thought of pizza. Is that so wrong? - Raziel Darkeyes
If you don't read my PM and reply, I'll let Kar's lemur have your snocone! HA! *glares* - Raziel Darkeyes
[note that I was in the bathroom when I said this] "I can see the shape of my. . . *pause. . .silence. . . looks exchanged* what are they called?? oh yeah. my goggles. . ." - Crystal Tang
I was planning on grabbing those nads there but I guess you're not going to let me. - SkuldHotohori
how can you doubt thousands of years of superstition? - Jim
"That's so plausible I can't believe it!" - Jim
Why is it that you girls always are so proud of getting new bras? I don't get all proud of underwear... it's usually a disgraceful event, because it means I've worn out my old ones. - Captn. Jake
Ninjas made me soil myself. AND DAMN. Enough seppuku to equal 7 BOWLS of Special K!! - Jacob Riley
Auto response from SalarVM: I AM the dark lord of Mordor! Mmm. Pink.
You know what I love? When you're walking down the street and someone in a pickup truck drives by and as they do, they stick their hand out the window and smack you in the back of the head. - Jacob Riley
CrystallineButterfly is a vile butterfly of crystal which will lead a massive butterfly army through a portal created by the Methuselah tree (the breather of the dead) to wipe out humanity, only to be stopped mid-campaign by the coming of winter which renders the evil butterfly powers useless. - Jim
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? I woke up when my brother said "Oh my god, maggots!" - Jacob Riley
What is your weapon of choice? Guilt. - Jacob Riley
White meat or dark meat? I eat breasts. Of all sorts. - Jacob Riley
Ecurt! I kinda remember you! - Glee Anselm
You have verbal diarrhea - Jacob Riley
"You sir are going to Hell in a Happy Meal, because Satan only wants the toy that comes with your soul" - 5h1n-P31
"Either that or Ed is amusing himself by detonating vending machines again..." - Dom
“So... lonely... Time to call Tennessee! PH33R me, long-distance card! BUAHAHAHA!” Chloe Roberts
Nicolastisimolastiremosasteisandome - Jonathan Stone
“Account versions like silver/gold/titanium. But for the plebian inferiors there is paper/cardboard/plastic” -Nick Pence
“So... How are you? *stab*” Bryan Lin “Not very good now…” Nick Pence
I will stuff ramen noodles in its innards, and paint the monitor with melted velveeta, and spear the camera with asparagi - Nick Pence
The voices started up again so I am poking them with Q-Tips. - Adam Wiggins
“And I'm confused, what are we competing for?” Andrew Fooden “*big watery eyes* The hearts of the fangirls!” Jacob Riley
“um... that was odd” Andrew Fooden “The pic?” Jacob Riley “no, my grandma” Andrew Fooden
“*flungs a corpse and runs away*“ Jacob Riley “flungs!!! Rofl… f*** the lungs, just get me an anesthetic!” Andrew Fooden
#_O arrrr, I be the pirate in a jar... - Nice Pence
"And then we asked ruthardt for more bad Spanish words but she says no, we don't learn those till Spanish 4" - Nick Pence
"oh whoops, sorry I dropped the sandwich, I'm so pregnant" - Nick Pence
“I just took a nice soothing crap ;)” Andrew Liu “…………………… I soo needed to hear that…” - Bryan Lin
“Well...he was raping me first! :-P It was your turn! *shrugs* My parents DID teach me that it was good to share :-P" - aznband69
“*makes thread a sticky thread* *gets stuck to thread* ...That's never good." - Fenix877
"Whoa!! You're shooting a gun at your imaginary friend, who is standing in front of a van loaded with 400lbs of nitroglycerin!" - aldreaif
“Hey hey, whaddia say? I doin...   I'm, uh, misbehaving.” - John Sanko
“Yeah. I've seen things there that blow my mind.... an air compressor with an ear adapter.”
“I'd rather use the money to buy a third world nation... and keep the change” John Sanko
A distracted distracting distraction and reduntant distractee - Crystal Tang
soccer players can do it for 90 minutes, 11 different positions, no protection, and our parents cheer...Beat that. - sweetie4614
"thinking vanity plate puns could be a community of its own. My favorite so far is "FLMNCHKN" or something similar. The car was a Firebird" -rajagaj
"what? you won't buy my overpriced goods? No more visibility for you!" - Fenix877
“English only. Every post in here has to be in English.” EskimoDave “You racist.” - Mijae
“Actually I had a dream last night involving pretty much the whole posse, but there was one part where you and I had a tragic glomping session that ended up fracturing your ankle” - Jonathan Easey
“Where’s Welshland?” - Colin Walker
“I’m animos-tized!” - Colin Walker
"I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE" Chloe Roberts "*smacks you in the face* :O" Changmin Bae "YOU'VE BEEN WAITING TO DO THAT HAVEN'T YOU D:" - Chloe Roberts

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